Complete... Nah.... Delete

Every story is a personal one. This one is no different. Since we are coming to a closing for the year of 2018, I'll do what I never have done too well.

I'll complete something...

2018, has been great. God has revealed so many things to me about myself that I'm not sure I was prepared to see. 2017 brought a lot of self reflection too but moreover dealing with knowing that I was a hurt individual. Where I have seen myself this year passing is that I had to be strong enough to deal with what I was being shown. I had to deal with being afraid, different, shut off, angry, and a host of other things that no one is proud to say. One of the biggest things that I have had to do was understand that I never finish anything. I'm really great at ideas, I'm great at putting the plans together, and I'm great at working really hard to get it finished. But I never do.

What is it about completion that stifles me. Do I feel like I might do well? Is it that moment when I feel like it's just never enough... so I delete, or even sometimes pause to wait until I get to the next thing that I may be able to do fairly well but not good enough.

I noticed its one of the most vicious cycles I have found myself in. Real life, I wanted to be an EMT, I went through the entire course, and BAM got to the end and figured I couldn't pass my test and refused to study, which would of course result in failure. Another real life story... I started with an idea to write a children's book... BAM again... I had to hold that off because I just wanted to finish one or two other projects first. That's not all, so I started with my EP and single and all. I wasn't content until it had a definite plan that I knew how I wanted everything to go. And when one track was done, I still wasn't ready. It just wasn't good enough. Well not good enough to put out there as complete.

In these past few weeks of 2018 I realized that, who cares. Who cares if it's not good enough for you. Real talk we don't even live our lives for ourselves. We're sincerely here to improve the lives of others around us. What would you be without that person who took that stand and was bold enough to do it in spite of? You may be scared too. But 2018 has taught me just do it! Just go for it! God can move in any situation but you also need to being doing everything you can and not attempting to put limits on a limitless God. 2018 taught me finish what you start.

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Side note... I think I wanted to tell you that 2018 was a year of closing. I had been asking God to remove some stuff in my life all the while I was still entertaining all that I had wanted to be removed. I didn't want to close the chapters, I somehow thought that they would close themselves. For a good minute I was curious about why situations wouldn't just go away. But I'm thankful that even in my inability to close certain doors, God made way that they did close. People just drifted and I'm cool with that. It gave me the opportunity to get that time that I needed to self reflect. It helped me to pursue my walk. It's what I wanted anyway! I don't want to think that I can have whoever and whatever still in my life and I know that my life has to be a reflection of what You (God) have done for me and what He's still capable of doing in my current and future.

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So for anyone with doubts, Complete it. If you're still holding on to what's not fitting for your future, Close Those Doors. This year has so much growth in store it's INSANE if you don't take hold to it. And that's me included.