Like I Lost It
- Demares
- Nov 15, 2018
- 2 min read
I write this in hopes to inspire someone that they may continue even in a season of drought.
Sometimes we get to the place where we think that losing is our weakness. It came to me a few minutes ago that loss does not have to be a weakness. There is so much strength in losing. I believe that losing helps to gather the inner winner.
How many things have you lost or things that have put you at a loss but you have found yourself finding new things in you? Just this past weekend I had to sing and recite a poem at my grandmother's funeral. One, I didn't want to do it. Two, I thought it would be the hardest thing that I would ever have to do, but let me give you some back story. I am a MASTER CHOKE-ARTIST. I have a sucky history of choking when it comes to singing or presenting. As well as I can actually sing and make it all sound good, I found that I suck at performing and being in front of people.
I feel like they can see my soul. I feel like I'm just a little girl who doesn't know what she's doing.
So every time I sing or have to present "Demares," in front of people I get scared and nervous. The more people stare the more nervous I get. The more they look, the more I want to sink back into my shell. All in all my experiences singing are not that great.
Here's a list:
I usually can't end the song. I rush through the process. I skip parts. I start singing in the background to hide so that I don't hear myself over others. I drown myself out with the music by telling them to turn it up. I don't lead well because I'd rather hide. I allow for the music to be messed up because then I can behind that issue.
On any day, I would count these all as losses because, I never live to be the person that I was created to be or the person that I know that I can be on the inside. But I found out this weekend, all these losses had no effect on who I am. I am not my previous losses. I'm not my previous mistakes.
So back to singing at Granny's service, I did well.
I didn't cry (my greatest accomplishment there)
I didn't hide (I may have kept my head down, but I didn't hide)
I made it through the song and finished it.
All the losses I had taken could have been preparing me for this one day where I stood and told myself,
"You better make her proud. You better be who you know you can be."
It wasn't immaculate singing but I beat myself. I beat my mind. I beat my emotions. I beat my fears. I beat Demares. I beat my losses.
The best thing that I can tell someone after this experience is to count your losses as your blessings as much as your wins. That doesn't mean be joyful in your losses, it means take note, learn, and prepare for the day you will be exchanging your losses for wins.
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